Feeling at Home in Yourself

Almost everyone has a complicated relationship with their body

If you sometimes look in the mirror and feel a sinking feeling - you’re in very good company. Huge numbers of women, of every shape, age and history, struggle with how they see their bodies. Magazines, filters and social media have spent decades telling us there’s one “right” way to look, and then selling us the fix.

So first: if your body feels like a difficult place to live sometimes, nothing is wrong with you. It’s a really common human experience, and there are gentler ways to live with it.

Positivity, neutrality, and somewhere in between

You’ve probably heard of body positivity - the idea of loving and celebrating your body as it is. For some people it’s wonderful. For others, being told to love a body they’re struggling with feels like one more test to fail.

That’s where body neutrality comes in. It’s the idea that you don’t have to love how your body looks - you can simply respect it, care for it and focus on what it does, without making it the centre of your worth.

Instead of…	Try…
“I hate my arms.”	“My arms carried all my shopping home today.”
“I need to look perfect before I go out.”	“I look like a person going out. That’s enough.”
“I’ll be happy when my body changes.”	“I can do something kind for myself right now.”

Neutrality isn’t giving up. It’s giving your brain a rest from constant judging.

Collect your “this is me” moments

Here’s a lovely idea that helps many people: instead of focusing only on what feels wrong, start collecting the moments that feel right.

Maybe it’s:

• The swish of a skirt when you walk
• Hearing a friend use your name or call you “babe”, “girl” or “lovely”
• The scent of a perfume you chose for yourself
• A hairstyle that makes you smile when you catch your reflection
• Painted nails tapping on a mug
• Laughing so hard you forget to think about how you look

Some people call these moments of euphoria - that warm, fizzy, “oh, there I am” feeling of being at home in yourself. For trans women it often has a name: gender euphoria. But everyone gets these moments, and everyone can learn to notice and grow them.

On the harder days

Some days the mirror will feel like an enemy, no matter what you do. For some people (including many trans women) that distress can be intense and is sometimes called dysphoria: a deep sense that something about your body or how you’re seen doesn’t match who you are.

A few things that can help on those days (pick what’s useful, ignore what isn’t):

• Lower the mirror time. You don’t have to look. Get ready by feel, or check just one thing (hair, lipstick) and move on.
• Wear your comfort clothes. The outfit that makes you feel safe and soft, not the one that’s “most flattering”.
• Change the input. Mute or unfollow accounts that make you feel worse. Fill your feed with people who look like real life.
• Do one euphoric thing. Your favourite perfume, a song that makes you feel like the main character, a message from someone who sees you.
• Talk to someone. A friend, a support line, a counsellor, a peer group.

When to get extra support

If thoughts about your body are taking up most of your day, stopping you from eating, going out, or doing things you love, or making you feel hopeless, please reach out to a GP or a mental health professional, and look for one who’s LGBTQIA+-friendly if that matters to you. The resources below are a good start.

Your body is the home you get to decorate, soften and care for. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be yours. 🏡💗