The Many Ways to Be a Woman

There is no single “right” woman

Think of all the women you’ve ever admired. A grandmother who gardens in sensible shoes. A pop star in rhinestones. A tradie with chipped nail polish. A lawyer in a sharp blazer. A goth with black lipstick. A soft-spoken librarian. All of them are women. All of them are feminine in their own way.

Femininity isn’t a test you pass. It’s a huge wardrobe of possibilities (styles, habits, ways of moving and speaking and caring for yourself) and you get to try things on and keep what fits.

Some words you’ll hear

• Feminine - qualities, styles and behaviours a culture associates with women. It changes over time and place (pink was once considered a “boy” colour!).
• Femme - originally a lesbian identity for feminine-presenting queer women; now often used more broadly for anyone embracing a feminine presentation.
• Girly / girlie - playfully, unapologetically feminine: bows, pink, glitter, florals.
• Gender expression - how you present yourself outwardly (clothes, hair, voice, mannerisms). It’s separate from who you are inside.

Your femininity, your rules

Some things in this garden will make you light up. Others might not be your thing at all, and that’s perfect. Many women never wear makeup. Many never wear heels. Plenty have deep voices, broad shoulders, big hands, short hair, or no interest in fashion whatsoever. None of that makes anyone less of a woman.

The goal here isn’t to make you “pass a test” or fit a mould. It’s to give you the knowledge so that every choice you make is a choice, not a gap.

A gentle note on comparison

It’s easy to look at someone else and think “she’s so effortlessly feminine, I’ll never be like that.” Here’s a secret: most of that “effortless” is years of practice, trial and error, and quite a few makeup disasters. Everyone starts somewhere. You’re starting here. 💗