Listening That Makes People Feel Heard

What active listening looks like

Active listening means paying full attention and showing it, so the other person feels understood. It’s one of the most valued communication skills there is, and it’s very learnable.

• Put the phone down and turn towards them.
• Let them finish. Resist the urge to plan your reply while they’re still talking.
• Reflect back: “So it sounds like you felt really left out.” This shows you got it, and lets them correct you if you didn’t.
• Name the feeling: “That sounds so frustrating.” / “You must be thrilled!”
• Ask open questions: “How did that feel?” “What happened then?” rather than yes/no questions.
• Hold back on fixing unless they want ideas.
• Avoid “at least…” - “at least you have other friends” can feel dismissive, even when it’s kindly meant.